what it should be like...
First and foremost...I flipping adore Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, not necessarily everything they do, but they are an amazing power couple in the entertainment industry, even if they weren't black I would still say they are top notch.
So I was reading this old magazine that had an interview with the two of them and a few of the quotes stuck out...so I had to take notes...both of them were saying reeeeally good stuff:
"We think our partners are supposed to erase all the troubles of the world, but it's just the opposite. Your partner is going to open you up."
"In order to have a good relationship, I think you've got to give yourself. There's so much beauty in having that vulnerability & openness, but it's also a double-edged sword because nobody can hurt you more than the person who's closest to you."
and the most important of these top 3 that I pulled:
"You've got to create what you want in your relationship, but you've got to be who you want to be first."
Talk about some KNOWLEDGE. I mean, but it's such a simple concept. It's that same played out idea of "how can you expect anyone to love you when you don't love yourself" but at the same time, think about it--in so many ways we are not who we want to be when we start relationships. For many people, they changed for the sake of getting that person's attention and then slowly but surely, they grow in love with the person on the inside, because so many times the image that we portray isn't who we truly are.
Also notice I didn't say "fall" in love, but "grow" in love...I don't believe in falling in love anymore. If you're falling--you're bound to get hurt when you hit the ground and often you will see the ground coming but you're so oblivious to the fact that it's pavement that you just wait for it to come and smack you in the face...another reason I don't believe in falling in love, because then it's unexpected. No one prepares to fall, that's infatuation, that's a crush. People grow into love...that's how you get marriages that last.
Next--that whole concept of creating what you want in a relationship. When I think of creations, I think of cooking...you can only get out what you put in, right? Yeah, yeah...I know, I'm right. lol...anyway, you can only get a good relationship if you're putting in the appropriate ingredients for that. You don't throw flour in ice cream, so why would you throw anger and immaturity in a relationship if that's not something that will foster its growth? Think about what you're putting in and be sure that the ingredients you're putting in are what your significant other thinks you're putting in...because even if you have the best intentions, if you put salt on sugar cookies because it was inappropriately labeled sugar--you meant to do right, but everyone else is going to see you as wrong.
So about that other quote, how people think their significant other is supposed to make everything better...all I can say is AMEN. You can't go into a relationship thinking that this person is the one that will sweep you off your feet and make all your problems disappear...and on the flip side of this, you can't go into a relationship having all these preconceived notions of what you "know" is going to happen--because you don't. You'd be surprised how people change up. *pause* but...
Something that I want to experience is something that Will said to Jada...his words almost brought a tear to my eye, I swear:
"I would never be able to function if our union came into question."
Gotta love it, like...foreal. Imaging having a husband--mind you this isn't DEPENDANCE in my mind...when you come into a union with someone, there is not supposed to be divorce. This is something that some people just can't seem to figure out...in this statement he is not depending on Jada...nor is he depending on the relationship itself, a union is more than just the fact that they're married. In order for a union to come to pass, there are elements of trust, love, happiness with one another--if that came into question...then he wouldn't be able to function...and I love that. (Don't get me wrong, I want a strong man, but if my husband says "I love you, but I could care less whether or not this thing works" oh...it would take ALL of my heart to not cut him...RIGHT THERE...lol)
...but to end this on a positive note, all this lovey dovey-ness...here is one more quote from Mr. Smith.
"Love is the only real connective tissue that allows you to not live and die by yourself."
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Will Smith and Jada make such a cute couple. Aww. I wish I can find love like that. Its very rare and it takes so long, but there is someone out there for everyone!
that one says
So true. It's out there, we just have to be patient and let it come to us when it is time for it to come to us. It's rare, but once you get it, never let it go and then *bang* things may not be perfect, but you've gained so much just by that union. =)