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Things you say youre driving me away..." -- "Walking Away" Craig David

I remember when this used to be my jam, lowkey--I had the BIGGEST crush on Craig David. Moving on, I chose this comic because it just seems to describe how I feel...lol, falling out of love. You can butter it up, put makeup on it, but how do you describe the feeling of falling out of it? 

I find myself slowly but surely distancing myself from aspects of my own life. Things that I adopted into my life, sucked into my life, tried to make my own...I'm pushing them away...and for the record this isn't just in regards to romantic stuff this is in regards to a lot of stuff that I used to love. Whether that be relationships in regards to guys or friends or family...or whatever. I'm falling out if it and while it's scary, it's also kinda liberating. It feels good to have a desire to not want to see this person and I know it sounds weird, but I'm happy when I realize that I'm no longer curious about certain aspects of people's lives or even concerned about that person period. 

I have to be honest with myself here. I get obsessed. I have a tendency to pick out people who are "better than me" and obsess over any little detail of what they have that I don't and it feels amazing to be able to not compare myself to them. It feels great to be happy with me. Just me. I don't need her looks, I don't want her talents, I don't desire the things that make her happy--because I realize they won't necessarily make me happy. It may seem like a simple concept, but coming from me, a person who usually dictates how happy I am with myself by how others react to it, it's great to not care what other people think. 

I'm falling out of love with the "public" Ashley and falling in love with the real Ashley. All the things that I used to live off of...embracing the dork that I was way back when...lol. Loving me for who I am the chick who loves to read, loves anything beautiful, who sings for fun, who doesn't care about what she wears but cares more about being comfortable with who she is, who isn't ashamed to scream because she has so much joy, who has tons of energy to kill and a hunger for happiness and peace that keeps her going just as much as her desire to maintain other's happiness. The girl that was selfless...who cared more about her friends than herself, but not to a point where it was detrimental to her health or her well-being. I feel like as time has passed, I've allowed myself to get more dumb...lol...that I've cared so little for myself and put so much into other people's well-being that I allowed myself to fall apart...living vicariously through others, it's had its effects but that all ends this summer.

It's just me and You. Take me in Your arms and comfort me Father...because You are the only one who can help me right now. You have brought me so far, and Your strength is going through me, I can feel it...and I love You. Thank You for Your many blessings, please continue to guide me and stay with me until the end of my days when I can join you. Amen.