.live like you're dying.

So...first, I bought this indy-pop-ish album this week on a limb lol...and I remembered why I love "white" music so freaking much! It's so uplifting and happy, like seriously--a lot of the things they talk about are related to love and stuff, but it's all joyful and cheerful, so I can just bob my head from side to side...lol...I never realized how unhappy I actually might have been until I realized the potential of my happiness by looking at how happy I had been at points in my life. Does that make sense? 


Anyway, I have way too many "social networking" outlets...lol, from here to twitter, to facebook...it's just too much. I wrote something the other day in my computer journal...and it really hit me how lost I am. I was talking about someone that I had been, I guess "observing" maybe? Regardless, this was what I wrote:
"I envy the fact that you know yourself so well and I’m still sitting here confused about where to begin to look when it comes down to finding myself."
It hit me how little I understand myself, and in my tired ramblings I something so true to me. I still felt unfulfilled with myself. I was still devaluing myself. I am still completely lost as to who the heck I am. I am still comparing myself to others. However, there is an upside to this...I have made progress. It may seem small, but any progress is still progress...lol.

So I started a plan last week, it's a 40 day character makeover program that focuses on 8 things, humility, confidence, courage, self-control, patience, contentment, generosity, and perseverance (pictured on the left.) I just got through with the humility bit, so I just started on confidence and it had me read a few scriptures on learning my identity...and the one that hit me hard was in Psalms. 
Psalm 139:14-18 (New Living Translation)


 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 16 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 18 I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

Talk about powerful stuff right? I mean...I'm not as much of a Jesus fanatic as I should be, but when I really have to think about it, God has some pretty amazing stuff laid out for me. On top of that, he's always with me...like there is no reason for me to be worrying about things when I go into situations because he has my back. He's my ultimate support. Idk, it really got me. Not just the fact that he's with me, but this is the passage that's like "I'm remarkably and wonderfully made," talk about a confidence booster...lol. It just gives you something to think about. Comparing yourself to others does nothing but bring in pride, whether it shows itself by saying I'm better than that person or that every person is better than me is the only difference (btw, feelings of worthlessness is just as prideful as feelings of incredible self-worth...I didn't know that, but when it was all explained to me...OOOOOOH boy, it sure made sense. lol) 

Anyway, I guess this post is just saying to love you the way you're made. Not just in regards to the physical parts, but maybe your creative ability, maybe you can't write a poem, but you know how to balance your budget--lol, everyone has their strengths. They are all appreciated because without those strengths, think about how out of wack this world would be. If everyone was an amazing poet or an amazing singer what would get accomplished if none of us knew how to count? lol...it's a random thought, probably made no sense, but I know where I'm going in my mind! That's all I got for the moment though, be blesssssssed. 

1 teardrops:

  1. hispurl says
    May 30, 2009 at 6:38 PM  

    oh dearest ashley :) i had to sit here for a minute and let it really marinate. we spend a lot of time working on our "gift" trying to make them as good as others that we miss out on opportunities to perfect the unique gifts that God placed in us back in that dark place of the womb...we focus on strengthening our weaknesses that will only improve a little instead of working on our strengths that have enormous growth potential! dont get me wrong, work on your weaknesses but realize that effort can be better utilized focused on your strengths :)

    i end with a great quote:
    You are the only you God made. If you aren’t you, we don’t get you. The world misses out. - Max Lucado


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